Collectable George W. Bush

Of course there's no president more vile, despicable, and, as Daffy Duck might say, "detessssstible" than George W. Bush. And anyone who might have an intolerance for unpleasant things, for instance, cat puke on the dining room table when you wake up or your house on fire at bedtime, knows exactly what I'm talking about: the man's no good.

But for that very reason -- because George W. Bush is so bad that it nearly causes us to heave just from the thought of him, or, worse, the sound of his voice or sight of him -- he's collectable. It's the villains, the turds of history that command the big bucks. And I'm afraid I'm not going to have much G.W.B. memorabilia to cash in, since I wouldn't be able to live in the same house.

I was thinking of a local store going out of business, and I remember a few years ago they had a truly heaveworthy piece of "artwork," with George bowing his head in prayer and along side of him were George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, hands on his shoulders, also deep in prayer. A piece of garbage like that -- and however you define garbage this either qualifies or sets the new standard -- is going to be valuable someday. Collectable, 1) Because it has to do with this despicable creature we were dumb enough to allow within five light-years of the White House; 2) Because it is a sign of our times, the whole post 9/11 time of national insanity. You remember how it was, when we had the weak and fearful driving by with American flags attached to their driver's side window (I always thought, Hey, you afraid you might forget what country you live in?).

In the future -- fast forward -- it will be no other way -- anything from this period relating to any of this, and to our "Beloved Leader" is going to command some bucks.

So, if you have a George W. Bush doll in his military get-up from a few years ago, hang on to it. Or if you happen to have the picture I mentioned -- and are smart enough to read this blog at the same time -- hang on to it, too!

John McCain -- Man of Endless Wars

John McCain says he wouldn't mind it if we stayed in Iraq and kept the Iraq war going for another 100 years! In fact, he added to that that if it were 1,000 or 10,000 years, or even a million years (1), it'd all be the same to him. Now there's a man who has a long-term plan!

You can't say John McCain doesn't have vision. I mean, you're president for eight years tops, and he's already looking a million years ahead. I've heard of big ambitions, but don't Americans like things to actually end? Think of the dread and loathing we used to have when they put, "To Be Continued" at the end of a TV episode. We didn't want to wait one stinking week for the thing to end. But we have a guy (serious candidate, one would think) who doesn't think in terms of beginning and ending. He just thinks in terms of beginning and persisting, beginning and continuing, going and staying.

It'd be funny to sketch out what if all our presidents were as ambitious as John McCain, ambitious at keeping wars going. We'd still have around 30 years to go with World War II. We'd be close to the end of World War I. If it started in 1914, we'd have only about 6 years to go till it ended. Let's see, the Revolutionary War would be long since completed. But the Civil War, just around 1965 we finally got that settled. What about Vietnam? John McCain was a POW in Vietnam. So if we were still there, he'd still be there. He won't get out of that Vietnam jail for another 70 or 75 years. Settle in, John!

This long-term view of what a good war should be is insane, of course. But kind of funny. We have a serious (?) candidate for the White House whose main platform is endless war? Is there anyone in his or her right mind who will vote for that?

This is literally worse than the highway department. They get the interstate ripped up and it's a lifetime job to get it fixed. You go to work the day after high school and by the time you get done with a good stretch of road, you're ready for Social Security.

Let's put John McCain in charge of something that is endless and harmless. Like give him a mountain of beans, give him about 40 acres to work in, and have him count beans. That'll save us a lot of trouble!